The following afternoon, Albert's parents dropped him off at the train station. They exchanged no words. As Albert stepped out of the car, he wanted to attempt saying "I love you", just to give them something, but instead said "thanks" in a rushed way and shuffled quickly to the tracks.
Albert sat on the felted chair, leaning against the window. He felt alone, but trains were the one place where this aloneness felt nice and indie movie-like, especially because it was raining that day. And so he rode the train to Manhattan, staring out the window, trying not to think.
At the third stop, a young woman entered the car and sat right next to Albert.
This was bizarre.
Choosing to sit in Albert's row in spite of other seating opportunities was already strange, but what was even stranger was that this woman took the middle seat in the three seat row, even though the aisle seat was free!
The woman sat in the middle seat and put her large handbag in the aisle. Her bare arms brushed against his. She was naturally high in pheremones, and this was magnified by her perfume, the freshly dried sweat on her back and forehead, her plump and out-turned lips, her smooth and taught skin, her stretched sports bra, her exposed navel, and so on.
Albert tried to process the situation. Why did she not take the aisle seat? Why would she sit closer to him than she had to? Was she attracted to him? Surely not. Ok, then what? Could it have been a fully natural, spontaneous act? Could it be that that it felt no different to her having their arms touch and their legs inches away and scent in each others lungs, vs not? Was it simply more convenient to put her bag to her left, and sit right next to Albert, because her bag was on her left shoulder when she was sitting down? Was she saving a seat for a friend who was in the bathroom? Or perhaps she didn't even register Albert. Perhaps, in her perception, the window seat was empty. Like how the human eye can only see frequencies in a certain band, perhaps women of this kind could only notice the presence of human beings within a certain quality window. And Albert was like mild radiation: uncomfortable to those who were sensitive, but imperceptible by most.
The woman let out a soft sigh and took out her phone. She wiggled a bit on her sitbones searching for a more comfortable position. As she did this, her shoulder brushed Albert's, back and forth.
Once Albert calmed down some, and the novelty of the situation had worn off a bit, he decided to gratefully accept this strange gift life had given him, and began to close his eyes and fantasize about the woman next to him.
The perfumed woman falls asleep. Gradually, over the course of a few minutes, her head inches to his shoulder. The woman wakes up a stop later and looks up at him, surprised, but unembarrassed. She is too forward for that. She doesn't even move her head off his shoulder. Instead she smiles, and puts a hand on his thigh and kisses his cheek. And then-
The woman coughs. It pierces Albert's daydream and Albert, startled, opens his eyes, alarmed.
Was that a legitimate cough? Or was it one of those coughs you do to politely alert someone who's doing something embarrassing and thinks no one can see that you can actually see what they're doing?
It's surely the latter, but what could she have seen? Am I erect? Barely. It was unnoticeable (a tiny silver lining of my build). Then, what? Could she... could she somehow sense my thoughts?
For some reason, Albert felt very acutely that this woman knew what he had been doing, and this very bad. Albert had never felt such a sense of being surveilled. Prior to this, his imagination was the one place he felt totally uninhibited. He had gotten so skilled at fantasy that he could fantasize with open eyes. He sometimes fantasized about having sex with his project manager while speaking to her about his status update.
He tried to sink back into his reverie but couldn't shake the feeling that his thoughts were shameful and he was being judged. And so he gave up and stared out the window, pretending, vaguely, to notice beauty.
The perfumed woman finally got off the train at Jersey City, leaving behind a scent which was more than enough to re-kindle Albert's imagination. In fact, this was a much nicer situation for Albert-- the woman's near physical presence had been a disturbance to his fantasies of her. But just as he began to relax and sink back into his vivid thoughts, another woman sat in Albert's row, in the aisle seat, thankfully.
Albert knew, from his peripheral vision (which he had also trained over many years, etc, etc), that this woman was older. He sensed, psychically, that her body was lumpy and sagging.
His fantasies of her would be less exciting than the first woman, but he'd make an attempt nonetheless.
The new woman turned to Albert and said "hello", startling him. What was going on today?
The hello, however, was sweet. Actually, it might have been the most warmth Albert had experienced in months. Years, even.
Albert turned to the new, sweet woman. Her eyes were shining. He said "hello". and smiled and was surprised both by his smile and by the clarity and ease in his voice. Then he tensed, blushed, and looked back out the window. The woman next to him continued to face him and smile, unbothered.
Then she asked Albert, "Do you live in Manhattan? Or are you visiting?"
"Yeah. I live there. What about you?" Albert replied, stoically.
"I do too! I live on the upper west side, near Central Park. I was just in New Jersey to see my son. He goes to Rutgers."
"Mmm." Albert felt his throat clench. No words came to him. He looked down.
"Actually, my son kind of looks like you! But people are always telling me, Lindy, you think everyone looks like your son! Ha! It's true! I'm Lindy, by the way." She wrapped Albert's crooked fingers in her warm hands and shook.
"Oh, you have a wonderful smile. It's so good to smile." she paused. Albert, not know what to say, saw words on her shirt. He then said, "what's your shirt?"
"Oh! It's the shirt for my parish retreat! We all go upstate once a year and just have the most wonderful time in nature, praying, eating, singing, playing games. Just a beautiful, beautiful time. We would love to have you there." Lindy handed Albert a card. "That's our website. You can find all the info there."